Why Would I Do That?

Today I started my day off in the chair at the dentist office…To get something fixed that was done two years ago but I was stubborn and it hurt so I didn’t want to go back.  If I would have only gone back it would have been taken care of long ago.

But that isn’t the real reason for this post…I have a friend that works at that dentist office, which is one of the reasons that I really like to go there.  That and the staff and doctor are awesome!  So I walk in and my friend tells me I look great and how much more had I lost since the last time they saw me. 

What did I do?  Tell her I haven’t lost anything, that I have actually GAINED weight since the last time they saw me.  They tell me I look great yada yada…and then ask me how much I have lost all together.  I tell them 105 and they make a fuss, tell me how awesome that is and such…you know what I do?

Beat myself up in my head…because it should be more.  Get upset because I should have been able to get to goal and stay there.  Why did I let myself gain so much back? 

Why couldn’t I just take the compliment because I earned it and use it as a driving force to do better, to forgive myself?

Why do I discount losing 105 pounds? 

Don’t I remember how HARD I worked to lose that 105 pounds?

Am I not back on track and working towards getting back there?

Please help me understand why I would discount such a tremendous accomplishment.  Losing that weight has changed my life.

• I have completed a triathlon
• I have done NUMEROUS high mileage bike races
• Completed 4 3-Days (60 MILES each)
• Done adventure races
• Done a 15 mile trail run
• Completed a 10K
• Run and walked MANY 5K’s
• Made SO many friends because of what I have done (WW, blog, real life)
• Started living

See…all those things I can think of in 5 minutes of writing this post…but at the time I gave myself no credit!  I need to STOP being my own worst enemy and realize just how strong I am.  Just how much I have done and just how much I still have left to do.

With that said…October starts tomorrow…and I will be here telling you 35 goods things about myself, my life, my family…I turn 35 in 24 days…I need to celebrate…and celebrate big!

I need to stop and look around me at all of the things I have done and the blessings that I have, instead of thinking about what I don’t have and what I haven’t done with my life.

So that is my goal for October…be GRATEFUL for what I do have…because in spite of the little bumps here and there…I have a pretty freaking GREAT LIFE!

My name is Janna…and I am DAMN PROUD THAT I HAVE LOST 105 POUNDS!

P.S.  My eating has been on point…and I am learning that I still have my will power and self control…and that is a GREAT THING!

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays.
                                                                                Ralph Waldo Emerson

Swap Greatness!

I am pretty sure by now you know how much I love swaps!  Hands down Mamarazzi hosts the best!  Not only is she awesome…she throws an awesome swap party…so you should check it out!

My swap partner was Jaclynn…and she did an AMAZING JOB!  Not only did she send an awesome swap package…she has patiently waited for hers after a snafu at the post office!  Jaclynn…I hope it is worth the wait!

Check out my package :)

Do you think she knows me?   Pumpkin stuff…HELLO!  And…for the record…I love the undies…and I don’t think it is weird at all :)

Now…off to catch up and see what everyone else got…I am SO behind on my blog reading…guess that happens when you work two jobs…I should have been reading blogs while I couldn’t sleep last week.  The good news is…I have been sleeping again…OH how I missed it!

Have a great week!

Thanks again Jaclynn and Mamarazzi!

Ten Things…

I need to follow that up with a positive exercise in remembering why life isn’t always bad…bad things, thoughts and feelings are only temporary…

1.  Since my shot (back) and the one bad night I have been relatively pain free.  Fingers crossed it will be enough to get me healed up!

2.  Next week is Lely & Alvin’s wedding…I can’t wait to see them and the other girls…it will be just what this girl needs!

3.  The weather is starting to cool off! 

4.  I had dinner with my girls the other night…that always does my heart good…have I mentioned how much I love them?  :)

5.  One line in an email today made me laugh…and I needed that!  Jules thank you for a one liner that shows just how much you love and know me!

6.  I got to see Thomas  & Mallory last weekend…and I will get to see them again this weekend!  YEAH for soccer!

7.  Tomorrow is my last day of having 2 jobs a day…next week I am full time at the cater and I will be there all day and not rushing off to the spa.  Just in time…since things are becoming way to crazy for me at the spa to be there all the time.

8.  Today I started with something that will hopefully help me get things back on track with my eating…I want to be in control again!  **on that note, I will be taking a break from posting my food and daily eats…I need a break.**

9.  I have GREAT, AMAZING, WONDERFUL friends and family.  No matter what stupid things I do or say, they continue to love me…and that is the best gift EVER!

10.  I got an AMAZING swap package from Jaclynn on Tuesday…I LOVE it and everything that came with it.  It made me feel like she actually knows me :)  I promise to come back with all the details very soon…

There you go…I stopped crying and feeling sorry for myself long enough to make this list…that is a start right?

Here is to an even better week next week…and here is to getting some sleep tonight!

Today

Someone asked me the other day why I hadn’t blogged recently…you know what I told her?  I told her I had nothing nice to say.  That I had been battling some serious insomnia, I was tired of working two jobs, I was TIRED, I was in a pissy bitchy mood, my eating sucks, my choices suck…she told me to blog anyway.  So here you go Dusty :)

Today SUCKS…

I haven’t slept in two days.  I am mentally and physically EXAUSTED…

But that doesn’t matter!

Because today LuAnn is hurting.  Her grandmother lost her battle with cancer last night.  And my heart hurts so much for her and her family.  I only wish that I could take their pain away…

There was a day when I could say that I couldn’t fathom how that would feel…but that day passed nearly ten years ago when I lost my own BELOVED Mema…but it doesn’t even come close to her pain.  Because about that time 10 years ago, Lu lost her mom…and now her mom’s mom…and well…IT ISN’T FAIR! 

CANCER SUCKS! 

And I for one am really tired of it hurting people I love and people that they love…

So while I sit here thinking I have got it bad…I need to remember, that people I love are hurting much much more than I am right now…so maybe I should just shut the hell up and put my big girl panties on!

So please pray for Lu and her family…pray for my friend Jane who is going through this with her own mother, for my brother-in-law Dyfan, who is going through this with him mom right now, for my friend Suzanne that lost her husband this summer, for my friend Delia who lost her mom,  for the friends and loved ones from my group of girls (you know who you are)…there have been too many lives lost this summer, even this year to cancer…

So cancer…I just want you to know that you SUCK!  And I can’t wait for the day when we can all tell you to shove it up your…well you know!

Thanks for listening to me cry and bitch…I love you all!  Remember to tell the ones you love that you love them..

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.  ~Author Unknown

Good, Bad, Ugly and Ridiculous

Wow…it has just been too long since I have blogged!  Working two jobs is a juggling act!    Two jobs…ha…sometimes 3 and 4 :)  This will be my last full week of juggling the spa and my new and fabulous job :)

A lot has gone on this past week…I thought I should break it down!

 

The Good

Seeing this on my face book news feed today:

From my friend Kari: My friend, Janna's, blog. I love this. I love that it gets to the root. I'm bookmarking it for days I need a little inspiration. Thank you, chica!

Happiness is a Journey: Permission

Isn’t that really sweet?  This is Kari last year leaving me a message on a big hill for my first Tri…SHE ROCKS!

The 3-Day is letting me transfer my money to a 2011 event…SAN DIEGO…here we come!  Even Lu might join in…(Erin/Autumn…you guys in? :))---See Ugly List

Jason bringing me the new Nicholas Sparks book…as a get better soon present :)

Catching up with my friend Dawn…I miss her tons!

Getting hugs from Thomas and Mallory on Saturday!

Girl’s Night with 2 of my new friends from the spa…I KNOW I am going to be friends with these amazing ladies for years to come!  It was a BLAST!

Making veggie enchiladas…no recipe….just an idea in my head and they were so GOOD!

Taking steps to start a pretty stringent program to get my eating back in check and my weight loss back on track. –See Ugly

Remembering that I am supposed to do the Warrior Dash with some friends in November!

Sending out my guilty pleasures package :)

The Bad

Hitting the outside of my right leg with a wrought iron stand while helping with the flowers for a wedding…that leaves a pretty bruise!  :)

Even worse…hitting the top of my left foot with the other one on the next step I took.  I honestly thought I had broken a bone in the top of my foot…right now it is tender, bruised and really swollen…but I can walk!  :)

Missing Sarah’s volleyball game because I was in so much pain from the nerve block---See Ugly!

The insomnia that has seeped into my life!  Being up at 2 AM is not a good thing…especially when you can’t go back to sleep!

The Ugly

The 4 nerve block injections…MAN it hurt when it was going on, it hurt moments later, it hurt even worse when the local anesthesia wore off…to the point of tears in the parking lot!  Not my finest day!

Finding out I can’t do the 3-Day this year…it breaks my heart…but I WILL walk again next year!  (see good list)

My eating…it is HORRIBLE!  I have completely sucked at keeping up with my September goals…way too much Starbucks, way too much eating out, no pictures (because I am ashamed!)

No real exercise to speak of…started out the week on a good note by getting up and taking Reese for a walk…but only because I couldn’t go back to sleep…need to really work on this!

 

The RIDICULIOUS!

I am starting to worry that I might have to get these for Reese…those are doggy rain boots.

My princess dog doesn’t like to get her feet wet.  The dew and the rain are not good things in her eyes.  You should see her try and go potty while trying to not get her feet wet…it has made me laugh so hard that I cry…which in her eyes is a bad bad thing…it just makes the ground even wetter!  :)

With that…I see that the good FOR SURE out weighs the bad and the ugly…I am going to keep on moving forward!

“Four vital ingredients for good mental management: forgive yourself, forgive others, keep up with yourself (not others), and see yourself at your best.”

Friend Time Is The Best Time

Autumn’s birthday was this past weekend…and it was a GREAT time!  Autumn’s parents have a cool house outside of San Antonio and it was fun to relax and hang out with friends and family that feel like they are your own family!  We watched football, baseball, nascar, kids collecting frogs :)  It was just a good time!

Thanks to Autumn’s family for having us out and thanks to both families for welcoming us in…it is an honor to be a part of such a great group of people!

 

Happy Birthday Autumn!!!

 

The food was AMAZING!  Autumn made the cupcakes…they were the best I have EVER had…I wish I had taken a picture of the entire spread!

Erin, Lu and I got Autumn a sparkly shirt…just like Colbie Caillat’s :)

 

Autumn’s nephew Gunnar…and YES, that frog is real…and REAL huge!  :)  And Hank…he is a pretty cool dog!

So very thankful for having these women in my life…they will never know!  I love you guys!

Hey Autumn…how does this look on your new IPAD?  :)

Permission

Dear Janna,

Give your self permission to be great!  Make today the day you stop the foolishness.  Things are turning around in your life and you are negating all the good by continuing to do what you have been doing to yourself.  Be HONEST with yourself.  You are NOT making the best choices when it comes to food and other areas of your life.  

In fact, you are making HORRIBLE choices and you aren’t fooling anyone but yourself.    You only have this one life, this one body.  Make the choices to make it the best life and treat yourself and your body better than you have been.

There is a reason you are so tired.  You haven’t been taking care of yourself.  And if you were honest with yourself and everyone around you, you haven’t been taking care of yourself for a very long time now.

Remember how it felt to be lighter?  To be in shape?  To be active?  To be successful in weight loss?  To have a goal? It felt great.  YOU were in control.  Food didn’t control you…it is time, time to go back to being THAT person.

Stop being sad and remember that it takes effort, LOTS of effort to do what you did and it won’t happen over night.  It can’t happen overnight.  It isn’t worth it if it happens overnight.

No more tears, no more binges, no more…just take it one day at a time and DON’T DON’T DON’T GIVE UP!  You can do this…believe in yourself.  Trust yourself.  Be great!  You deserve it.

Love,

Yourself

P.S.  Wipe the tears away and go to sleep…tomorrow is a new day.

“This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.”

Happy Birthday Bailey!

Wow…the last couple of days have been just plain insane!  First on Tuesday and Tuesday night/Wednesday morning in my part of town there was 10.8 inches of rain…and it kept coming down on Wednesday.  I don’t even know what the final total was…it was CRAZY!

Rewind back to Tuesday night and me chilling on the couch watching a baseball game and getting a text from Lu about her house flooding…not from the rain but from a broken plastic part on their toilet.  Their poor house was a mess…is a mess.  So Hotel Janna is open and even though I don’t like the reason that brought them here…I am LOVING having them here!   They are the best roomies EVER!

Job update:

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new job!  It feels like a dream and I can’t believe that it is mine…I can’t wait to learn all this new information.  I love the people that I am working with…they are so friendly and accepting!  The one thing I have to watch out for…is the food.  There is always food around they are always offering it up. 

I have to learn that it is ok to have a bite or two or even make it my meal.  Not all food is bad!  And…I have to know my product!  So Janna needs to learn self control and discipline…but REALLY…I needed to learn that again anyway!

I have to say this working two jobs and working all these hours is kind of hard…but TOTALLY worth the end goal!

September Goals:

I am doing well on some of my September goals.  I have only eaten out once…and Starbucks is pretty under control :)  The other goals…I really need to get busy on!  I have blogged my food everyday…other than the last 3 days, but I am doing that now :)

Food Update:

I am not doing well on portion control…and the night time snacking is out of control!  I am working on the mental aspect of all of this…being tired does not mean that I am hungry…just because it is around, doesn’t mean I have to eat it.  You know those struggles…I am sure we all do!

Pictures:

Tuesday

 

Wednesday:  Look at those YUMMY raspberry & blueberry waffles :)  J made us a homemade “comfort food” dinner…it was AMAZING!  And I didn’t take a picture of my turkey sandwich from lunch…

Thursday:  That first picture is what happens when you don’t spray pam on the waffle maker :)  Still tasted good!  My new co-worker brought me a pumpkin spice latte (does she know me or WHAT?),  2 samples of my new employers work…it was AWESOME!  And then came home to a home cooked meal from a WW cookbook that Lu and Drew put together…YUMMY!

Last but not least…today is my Bailey’s 14th birthday!  I can still remember the first night I had him…how this tiny kitten slept on my arm…he was so sweet then and even though at times he is a grumpy old man to others…he is still my sweet baby boy!   Happy Birthday Bailey!

Hermine, ENOUGH ALREADY!

Source

It just keeps coming and coming and coming…made for a fun afternoon off.  Lots of DVR catching up and reading.

Not that we don’t need the rain, but it might be a wee bit too much…but really I just want to take my puppy out to go potty without coming back in looking like a drowned rat…and FREEZING!

That and my puppy is a little princess and she doesn’t like the wet ground.  Which she better get over REALLY quickly!

Thanks!

With Confidence!

“Have pride in your past performance, and positive expectations for the future. Approach each new situation with confidence!”

Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my life.  A new chapter that I am really excited about.  A clean slate.  A fresh start.  I fully intend on applying that in other areas of my life. 

Like my weight loss journey for example. 

Every morning, every meal, every bite is a new chance to start over.  I have done this before.  I know I can do it.  I just need to put my head down and get after it.

There are a lot of other areas of my life where I need to press the reset button…I need to realize that I am strong enough to do that and that there are only bigger and better things beyond that button.

Today’s Eats:

 

And as a follow up to my heel pain…I have plantar fasciitis…I knew this…I just thought it had gotten better over the years.  Apparently standing on my feet all day will make it rear its ugly head!  So here is how I will be sleeping tonight…after I take the ice off :)

Don’t be JEALOUS…you know it is SEXY!  :)

Hope you had an awesome 3-Day weekend!

The Weekend That Was…

When will I stop wanting to sleep all the time?  Can someone tell me?  I really need to figure out why all I want to do is sleep when I get off work…

I have also been dealing with this WEIRD heel pain…my heels HURT in the morning and then in the evening one of them is numb and tingling…I don’t know what that is all about…any ideas?

Yesterday I worked all day and then went to the grocery store for dinner eats…I wanted shrimp and a BIG salad!  It turned out so yummy!

The rest of yesterday’s eats:

   

That is Butterscotch Pecan Bread from Great Harvest Bread :)

Saturday’s Eats…what I got pictures of :(

  

Today I don’t have to be at work until 2…and I am looking forward to getting some things done and getting ready for my first day of work at my NEW JOB!  I am really excited for the next chapter to start!

I have been working with Reese on listening and learning lately…and she is doing really well.  She knows how to sit, shake, give five and right now I am working on down…her incentive…CARROTS!  She LOVES carrots!

I love that sweet face!

One last thing…Bailey LOVES being out on the patio…LOVES!  Bailey is ready for the fall weather…so his mom will leave the patio door open all the time!   :)

Happy Monday!